New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Answer: No, but I suggest that you obtain psychiatric counselling and disassociate yourself from your father. "She's rude, and who does she think she is thinking she can talk back to us like that. Not only will your parents be pleased, but youll feel good about it too. But I've started going to the gym and learning about how to look after your body with real foods. i cant stand my parents anymore please help me im going crazy, Somewhat the opposite to Andrew but ultimately similar. Parents Parents value grades over kindness, kids say in new study When your kid gets straight As, it's cause for a celebratory dinner out. Last report card, I got a C in math. Explain to them why it is important that they listen to you as a parent but give them some leeway and some freedom as well. Question: Why do my parents always scold me about my scars when I'm trying my best to remove them? My parents were proud, but it seems that most of the love and hate I get from them comes from school-related material. Please get help. Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children, Criticizing a Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics, Teaching That a Child's Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals Are Impossible to Reach, Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers, Evaluating a Child's Intellectual Capacity upon Grade Point Average, Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. If the child believes that they are stupid because they are a C student, they will become a low achiever throughout life, no matter what their human potential is. She is a small minded, petty person-IGNORE her! Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 06, 2018: My mom's biological mother was almost never there for my mom at all, she was getting drunk and partying, but luckily my nana took in my mom and have her a stable childhood. For them, the mantra is that their children are to obey and nothing else. My perspective at least. But nope not to them. I'm still just 14 but all of these things have been done to me and it's obviously messed with me a lot. Dear Carol, Correction and discipline are meant to improve and enhance a child's sense of self and help a child become self-disciplined, self-motivated, and self-determined. Imagine a league of kids with low self confidence. I just want to let you know "anonymous" and "no account please" I think you are both really special and strong! Whenever I try to talk to them about how I feel, they yell at me. With my dad everything always has to be his choice and both of them push me so hard that sometimes I cry. Question: Why do I feel so guilty when my father points out my siblings flaws? Answer: Discuss the matter thoroughly with your parents. 10 checks for me and now I felt really empty. I'm lucky to have her. She now purposefully misgenders me and forces me to wear feminine clothes. i m 53 it took me so much time to understand why i m so nice to people why i lack self confidence why i maried a manipulator why i was never happy my mom was a narcissic manipulator and my father was always manipulated by her . what a life ! My mother never was used to hugs or praising. They gave me a opportunity to do it up on a stage. Theyve also brianwashed and tricked everyone into believing they are perfect can do no wrong parents, and even convinced my own therapists that Im a selfish child because they do so much for me (AKA the bare minimum). This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional. They took possession of her Xbox, limiting how often she is on it all because they don't want her to get "addicted". Why I haven't turned out so great and I don't want anything to do with one of my parents. Sleep Deprivation, Behavior, And Academic Performance, I Caught my Child Smoking Marijuana (Pot) Again, Caring For Elderly Parents At Home: How To Cope. God forbid that they should make mistakes. I have terrible times at school and I have no friends to be there for me. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. My mam blamed them for making me not study (even though I was) and she often didnt allow me to leave the house. Also suggest that she speaks to a psychologist, clergyperson, or counselor. Anyone else would give up and leave, or at least up to this point everyone has but her. Hard to tell what could be helpful so far. Anyone raised by authoritarians like this becomes timid and submissive. What can I do? Your father is making you dependent as an exercise of his power. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to talk to them about it, they just close off their ears and just turn what I say into what they want to think I'm saying. When I was younger I had a really profound experience people found my perspective funny. Well, some individuals have goals and aspirations which are dramatically different and rare. They believe individualities are flaws that need correction. They are grossly unhappy, yearning for what might have been. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. I saw through it at an early age as be never had our backs or supported us emotionally or mentally .., sad. Doing this will allow the child to develop competence and a positive sense of self. I literally cry when I see ppl who aren't better than me sing and claim they are but I can't talk back because I've never sang and I'm shy. Whenever I try to talk to them about how I feel, they yell at me. How To Deal With Teenagers: How Bad Is Peer Pressure, And Can Parents Influence The Peer Group? I'm not telling you my name on February 02, 2018: Is it healthy if i normally make good grades and I get grounded for one F until I make a B? Often, the comparison does the opposite. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 07, 2018: Have your father get custody of you. They do not view their kids as thinking, independent, autonomous individuals in their own right but instead as automatons and pieces of property that they can dictate and program at will. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 03, 2018: Please seek counselling. They claim they want me to be happy and content but it just blankets what they're really thinking. They're gonna make more money than me." Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 07, 2018: Don't listen to your mother. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. honestly, i could go on and on about how completely awful this family is but i rather not. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. Hey I am Fatima my mother is selecting her own opinion in my career she didn't give me any chance to study by my wish I Wana be in army but she don't understanding and she is doing what she wants what I do now? I experience a few highs but many low points in life. My whole family hurt my self-esteem by using me as a work-horse. So when I was growing up I never felt like I belonged. :). I do everything my homework I go to tutoring, I even prepare to exam that is gonna be 4 years later! Your parents & brothers are toxic-GET AWAY FROM THEM! Tore Down , I Love You All Because You Feel My Pain ..(God Bless You All ). While physical appearance is important, it isn't important as to what is internal. By secondary school I was under-performing and lacked confidence. Question: Why do my parents always compare me to my sister? Everyone in my family are all doctors and engineers. I fully understand that my own upbringing - very strict an seemingly harsh - was luxurious and easy by comparison and that stops me from feeling sorry for myself. This is wrong as each child is unique. By Erin Clements. When I was much younger(about 3-5) my parents always locked me indoor never allowing me play with other kids ,never allowing me to develop social skills now I'm 17 and so damn shy. Those who are constantly compared to others have a diminished sense of individuality and ultimately come to believe that they are worthless. Don't accidentally tear down your children's confidence. There is an old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. They care about your grades because they want a good future for you. i also struggle heavily with deadlines and stress. My parents are annoying and overpowering horrible people. However, there are parents who equate mistakes with grave mortal sins. Here are the ten things parents do that can destroy their children's self-esteem. They are toxic, even evil. My mother's parenting, somewhat pushy and demanding, came from the knowledge that life could be harsh and a well intentioned desire for her children to be tough and prepared for anything. Instead, parents should encourage their children to develop a sense of independence and respect their authority at the same time. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. The thing is I don't feel like useless.I wanna fight and continue..maybe one day eveyhing will turn.I will continue AND NEVER SURRENDER!!! I get a 96 she gets mad at me. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. At some camp I started telling jokes one afternoon and I drew people in for hours. Answer: In families where there are 2 children or more, parents compare children. That is how I feel but I am shy to talk about it. Everything I wear, the way I look (hereditary), my choice of friends, my interests and hobbies are just wrong according to her and deserving of condemnation. How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. Internal beauty is far more important than outer beauty. I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. Obsessing over a child's grades and making that the determining factor for your happiness as a parent is a bad decision. My mother displayed many of these characteristics but, even if I often disliked her growing up, I could never hate her because she genuinely did believe she was acting in my best interest. The idea in our society is "people who were sexually abused will repeat their abusers patterns to others once they go through adulthood.". You should first discuss this matter to your father; however, if he isn't receptive, discuss the matter w/a trusted relative or better yet, a counselor. I sing and do it very well. Parents often believe it's their responsibility to motivate their kids to care about their grades. you dont cry now i see why he does that because that is clearly abuse i still have scars on my body physical scars ! After all this was a reflection on him as a male ! 1 But them telling me that everyday is enough to ruin my day. Disassociate yourself from this family & find people who respect/love you for what you are. now i just have depression wherever i go. I have added 1 more explanantion to why i hate myself beyond rage.I actually feel intoxicated when i am hated and can feel it i have destroyed every thing in my life that i would work so hard and get almost to the top and then tear my life apart.my wife i feel sorry for she loves me so.i tried to ruin that for myself to and my prescous kids .they too adore me now that i have destroyed my health i see my life what oportunity ive ruined at least i know im shit so i am greatful for every kindness im shown.i no longer destryu things. Many parents are threatened and nonplussed if their children's abilities and characteristics are different from their own. Do you mean they don't make the figures you want me to make? My mother's anxiety about my having a family by now, bled the life out of what could have been exciting and formative 20s. The other day she told me she she'd never forgiven me for accepting a biscuit from a neighbour when I was just 3. All throughout my childhood i knew i had an abusive mother because one of my teachers in elementary opened my eyes. I'm in my late 20's and still trying to get through life. All my parents care about are grades. Treated me very well and gave me lots. This results in a child's poor self image. But for me I can't keep up with that and my average is an 85% which is not the best. 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